It seems like anymore in society, you can’t say anything right. There is no grain of salt. There is no just kidding. The only person you can joke about or comment about safely, is yourself. Even then you are still opening yourself up to attack. You are passive aggressive, playing the victim, being a bitch. We are surrounded by egg shells and not just at work or play.
My first love was everything it was supposed to be. He was my first everything. Naturally I let him walk all over me. He cheated on me and I still waited by the phone for him to call. He made me feel things that I hadn’t felt before. I put him on a pedestal. He was the first man to pursue me, determined that I give him a chance. It was everything first love was supposed to be.
The breakup happened multiple times. Hearing that he would be at a bar I frequented would make me do extra sit ups, dress sexier, be more confident in his eye line, just wanting him to look and see. It worked. A rollercoaster for four years. Long story short, internet helped to reconnect us. In a conversation I brought up how stupid I was. I put up with his cheating. I couldn’t trust him. The experience shaped who I was then and now and how I saw myself, then and now. I learned that what I perceived happened wasn’t really what happened. Him riding his bike across the city to sneak in my house just to see me, wasn’t to get laid. That girl he cheated with, he never did. She was a family friend. Those times he showed up at the bar, it was to see me. The serious accident he had that put him in a coma, it was my name he said when he woke up. I never knew any of it. I just assumed and I had that in the back of mind in every relationship since then. I help it against men before even knowing them. The relationship that I thought I was an idiot in and he was a pig, it was love and I missed out on it. He wanted to meet but he was married now. As much as I wanted to, I could not break up a family. When I found out he died, I cried for days. I second guessed my decision. I thought about what could have been. I than thought about his wife, going online and finding the emails he sent me. How crushing that would be. There were children. I wanted to take something positive away from the story.
What we perceive isn’t always true. Holding mistakes inside of you and holding them against others, isn’t fair. It was time to start fresh. Look at what they are saying to you. Has this person ever said or done things to hurt you? Were opinions or comments coming from a good place or bad? Until I knew it wasn’t coming from a bad place, I wouldn’t judge them by words they used (even if offensive), suggestions they made (regardless how stupid), and support they gave (even when it was at the worst time). No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. People say and do the wrong things. Is it deliberate?
From that time forward I stopped taking everything so personally. If someone decided to give me advice on my kids or business and it rubbed me the wrong way, I would take a closer look at the person and our relationship. Is it coming from a place where they think they are trying to help? Is it meant to hurt you? Do they have ill feelings for you for one reason or another? Is this who they are? If it was… I could either confront or walk away. This decision was based on whether or not I thought they would see how what they said came across and if that mattered. Would me trying to explain why they hurt me matter? 99.9% of the time it was no. In fact, I told myself to brush it off. Just see that person and know that they are miserable and nothing I say could ever make them change. Just words in the air, floating away. If it was from someone who I knew cared about me, our relationship, I would try very hard not to be offended or defensive. At another time, I would sit and talk to them rationally and honestly. It certainly wasn’t/isn’t easy. I was shocked at how many people around me, after thinking about everything, were trying to push my buttons. It was disappointing to see people I thought were trying to help, were not. It also helped me when meeting new people. I did not want to assume anything about them. It wasn’t/isn’t easy but I have found that I have been surprised by some, happily. That’s a wonderful gift.
I still think about my first love, almost every day. I also think about the guys after him. Did I give them a fair shot? Was I over-reacting? Paranoid? Thankfully, with social media I can take a peak at them and so far I’m feeling like I dodged a bullet. Living and learning never stops. I don’t regret anything as long as I am able to grow from it.
Good post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon everyday. Its always useful to read articles from other writers and use something from their web sites.
Good post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. Its always interesting to read articles from other writers and practice something from other sites.