Sex Blog

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS!!

It’s Friday night and I am sitting here daydreaming about living in my Barbie House. My kids, pets and my days of the week. Why am I calling it the Barbie House? Probably because when I was young I desperately wanted one. We couldn’t afford it so I would pack all of my things and drag them over to my cousin’s for a sleepover.. she had the Barbie House! That house was bright and optimistic and let’s be honest here… that bitch had it going on. She had an RV, sports car, pool, ski slope, amazing wardrobe and minimal competition for men. In addition, she never gained weight. Yep.. had it going on.

Now I snap back into reality. I look around. It really isn’t so bad and my shoes are so much better than hers. She couldn’t walk in them either. They were always falling off. I am CERTAIN she never celebrated her birthdays the way I do! Like everything else in my life..never a dull moment. This year was no different.

Surrounded by Gorgeous Men

I was thrilled when I found out one of my favorite people in the whole world changed his plans for Vegas so that we could party on Friday night. That, to me, is sacrifice! I know not to worry about my nights out with him because it is always filled with surprises. I was introduced to some gorgeous friends who sang Happy Birthday to me with gusto. The restaurant was the bomb! Why? Umm..Hello! Magic Mike was playing on the televisions. Nothing better than being surrounded by gorgeous men, amazing food and hot strippers on a tv screen. Yummm!

Slippery Looking Men

It was time to hit the next place. We were off. Where to this time? Oh yay! It was a place I had heard a lot about but never experienced. What a great place! Great music, dancing (of course!), hot bartenders (even straight ones) and dancers! Slippery looking men dancing all around (although I need to point out I do not think the undergarments they are given to wear are even remotely flattering to their “package”. A shame..really). These guys were climbing poles, hanging from the rafters, working up major sweats. However! I must add, I wasn’t a huge fan of the socks pulled up to the knee look . It just didn’t look right with the briefs. After being dared, I pointed this out to a couple of them, in an extremely friendly way.

This place was big and confusing. One of everything was there. The drinks were strong so observing all the types was quite entertaining. The only problem was this one elderly woman. Imagine the makeup of Lucille Ball, long polished nails, looking like old money, all alone, with a I don’t want to say unattractive but definitely not up there and very masculine face. She was definitely sporting a wig..not the best quality but it meshed well with her overall look. We decided..had to be a man. But wait! No adams apple. Now I was confused as was my companions. She/He was a tough one that none of us could figure out.

At this point a woman came out to dance on stage. She was full of energy and great with the crowd. My amigo next to me stated that he knew if he was ever straight, she would be the woman he would want. I agreed. She had a great ass, an amazing body and could dance. Stoked that I agreed with him, he gave me a dollar (everything is a dollar in WeHo. They really need to think about getting a union because they are seriously underpaid). I went up and tried to put the bill in her bikini but she took it out and placed it in between my boobs. Then proceeded to move seductively and lick and remove my dollar bill. She ended it with a soft kiss. How about that! For a dollar?? See what I mean! The crowd loved her and you could tell by watching her, she loved them. She had a line of men, straight/not/twisted/in wheelchairs, girls, straight/not/twisted/no wheelchairs, waiting in line to give her a dollar. I wish when I sweat it looked as hot as it did on her. She was phenomenal. I said to my friend, “Man, I wish I had her body”. All the men around me agreed for a variety of reasons. The pervies..imagined she and I getting it on. They assumed that’s what I meant. The ladies knew I meant I literally wanted a body like hers and the gay men knew there was just so much to lust after. You have to respect that kind of sex appeal.

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Getting On The Stripper Pole

The night finished with dancing, drinks and me stopping myself from getting up on stage on one of those poles. Restraint. Usually not one of my strong characteristics. It was a wonderful birthday celebration and it was only Friday. I still had Saturday night with the girls. You will have to wait on that. I have to get a few grown up things done but I will be back. I am including a pic of a hot singer Franky Perez, who I have been following for years. Inspiring voice. I have added him to my list of men I would sleep with who could get my name wrong and I would still be okay with it.

Time for my Part 2,Saturday Night with my gfs. We decided to meet for a few drinks at a new place to start. One of those Sunset Blvd.places where there is no sign outside telling you the name of it, just a few high price sports cars strategically parked out front.We enjoyed a little gossip at the bar for awhile and decided to move on.As we walked to the valet,I busted out laughing.There parked beside the Ferrari,Bentley and Lambo was my Mustang,with the magnets on the door promoting my site,a QR Code window cling on,handcuffs hanging from the mirror,license plate promoting my site. It was hysterical.As we were getting into the car I overheard this guy looking at my plate and saying,”See!You only see this stuff in LA.I love it” Haha!Little did he know I was raised in a city about 3 hours away from where he lives.Crazy is all over,thank you very much.Next stop..Rainbow.Love that place.You can smell the history it has,what a crowd.

A man shouted out how much he loved the boots, got flirty with my gf.

Someone Stole Our Pink And White Roses

He was walking to his car, parked in a red zone so right there I knew, he could be a big shot or he thought he was a big shot.Chatted a bit,I am always promoting so gave him business cards.He said he would return,and to our surprise,he did.He gave my one friend a red rose and us,pink & white.Gee,I wonder who he liked. We drank,met other concert junkies like me,swapped stories and danced. I noticed on the dance floor that whenever I was taking a picture the man would hide his face. It was strange. I then found out that he was giving different names to us. His story kept changing but he did make it clear to my one friend, he could make you well known if he chose to.Whatever! You picked the wrong girl! He found that out real quick but then..oh no ! Someone stole our two pink & white roses! Can you believe it? I immediately reported it to security,letting them know that it was obviously a racially motivated crime. They never took the red rose!Bastards!For some reason they looked at me strangely. Such a fun night.I was serenaded by the street guy..given a shirt from “what’s his name”and enjoyed yummy scooby snacks.I just love my gfs.

Playing Supermodel in the Parking Lot

We ended the evening playing supermodel in the parking lot.It was an interesting area,lots of late night urinating going on.Did we ever find out the story on”what’s his name”?Nope.Got an email but I said I wouldn’t answer unless I knew his name,I’m weird that way.Not another word.Guess he realized that we were not the kind of women he was used to.I don’t need any man to exploit me.I think I am doing a pretty decent job of it all on my own!And having a blast doing it!

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I have been exposed to something I have never experienced before and I don’t know if I can come back from it, actually if I want to. I spent an evening with these phenomenal men. Let’s keep it simple(for the men reading this) and call them Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. It is best to get Sunday out of the way because he is related. I do love him, MORE THAN BEER!, but due to the bloodline… He was a doll that night and did make sure I was okay. A great man he was. My week could not be complete without him!

I’m In Love With 7 Gay Men!

Champagne before a night out, how could I miss that? Absolutely not! The warm welcomes and the politeness of the greeting, very calming. Walking in, immediately a glass is prepared. There is no waiting here. “You look fabulous! I LOVE the shoes!”. OMG! Me too! Time for introductions. Let’s talk about Monday. Monday was a handsome man with a bit of a European flair. The chest hair was coiffed perfectly and his confidence lit the area around him. I felt like he had seen a lot of the world and could carry himself anywhere. He was smooth but not the fake kind. One of those men that can arrive any place on his own and carry a conversation on about anything and everything. He was the teacher. Tuesday and Wednesday were the welcoming committee. I could not imagine them apart.

Tuesday had the sweet “Steve Carell” kind of vibe where he was funny, you might think insecure but actually not at all. He was a joy to be around. I don’t think there was anything he could do that wasn’t endearing. Wednesday felt the same. Allowing him to enjoy the spotlight and look on with affection. There was no competing here (ladies!), just mutual respect. Wednesday kind of reminded me of a “Bill Gates” type, only attractive. The business man with the life plan and could build anything from the ground up. I imagined he would have these moments of brilliant ideas and could make any of them happen. He saw every person for who they are and was able to learn something from all of them. He was a sponge when it came to knowledge and having him around, if you need direction, he would give it to you. I had a feeling Tuesday and Wednesday, when throwing any event, it would be the talk of the town for months. You never forgot that evening. Next came Saturday. Where is Thursday and Friday? They weren’t there yet. I already knew Saturday. We had partied before. LOVE! LOVE! Him! He made me wish I was gay. Absolutely gorgeous, amazingly fit, endless energy and always a hand out to help you down the stairs. He was Iron Man. He was that guy who in high school I would have wanted to talk to but not have enough courage to approach. Everyone would hang around him just to feed off his zest for life. He made things happen! Once on a mission, no one could stop him! Saturday was the energizer bunny and rock hard.

A Male Version Of Me

After observing him I realized he was the male version of me. A huge flirt, using his body language and a coy smile to get people to do what he wanted..male and female and he was a dancing machine! Girls love to go out dancing and love when a guy is dancing with us. Appetizers of caviar and crackers were offered. “Oops, your glass is only half full (not half empty) let me top that off for you”. A knock at the door? Could there be more? I mean I was already overwhelmed with the questions being asked and the ability to have a lengthy conversation all about me but more? There they were, Thursday and Friday. Thursday had gorgeous hair and was definitely the trend setter. Friday was the all American jock. The blonde hair, the build, the smile that made me want to whiten my teeth. They were the ideal fit. I could tell both were motivated by success. They didn’t really seem to have to push each other but would if needed. I felt the urge to ask Thursday for advice, any advice, about my hair, my clothes, “You are already stunning and I love those shoes. You have amazing bodies.” I felt a little weird. All these compliments and nobody trying to get in my pants. Could they be telling me the truth? Usually when I meet new people, men in particular, I can be an “over the top” flirt but I was in a new position and wasn’t sure how to handle it. They were asking questions about my kids, my website, my goals, my likes and dislikes, what I like to do in my free time.. wtf! I felt a little selfish and almost started to downplay my achievements. Am I a loser or what? Throughout the night they did these things.

I never paid for dinner, hand holding thru a crowd, escort to the bathroom, “Are you okay? Having fun? Would you like to go here? Let me get you a drink”. I felt like I should do something, anything for them but it wasn’t allowed. All they wanted was me and my company. “You walk in those shoes like you own it. I love you” You know what? I love all of you!! Every single one of you! What? Come over and get a makeover? Ummm.. YES! Fitness tips? They had them. My shoulder was sore..it was rubbed and when it was time to tip the stripper, money was handed to me (Hey! This is me after all! For sure strippers!). It was difficult at times when someone would look like they winked at me and I would look around not sure what was happening. Was he just staring at my boobs? Of course, i should have known. Not everyone there is gay. I was surrounded by so much love and kisses and hugs.. It was the best night ever. I was taken care of. So Strange. I fell in love with each and every one of them.

Avoiding Eye Contact In Jacuzzi

I’m in the jacuzzi trying to avoid making eye contact with the man beside me staring. If I look, he will start talking. Must not look. He started talking anyways. Thankfully, my favorite lesbian couple in my hood walked in, and immediately I announce that I wish I was a gay man. I glance at the man beside me.. lmao! He is confused and not sure what to do. Perfect! “Why would you want to have a dick? They are just in the way?” Hmm.. well I have a bunch of dicks at home, they just run on batteries. I would have a truckload if they were attached to these men. Oh well, she didn’t understand. I was okay with that because tomorrow is Monday and I love Monday!

WTF?

– Why is it okay to brake and let a woman cross in front of you but when you do it for a man, they get all weird about it. Almost embarrassed.

– An extremely large man riding a sportster (or scooter). Just doesn’t look right.

– How do you get the name Dick from Richard? Or Bill from William? They aren’t even the same letters.

– Why can’t I dress provocatively and be smart?

– And just cause I have a low moment does not mean I need you to take on the “daddy” role. You don’t know more than me. You just need to listen. It’s just a moment. If you don’t know what to do, hand me money and tell me to go shoe shopping.

– Why do you think you can proposition me without even buying me a drink.

– You can’t be married socially but not emotionally.

– Why when girls take naked pics of themselves, we make sure they look good but guys, sometimes you need to keep that thing covered up. Nothing worse than seeing an ugly one..hard to erase that picture from your mind.

– Why would you ask a girl over and tell her to bring beer?

– Why include the word forever in marriage? Without that string they may last a lot longer.

– Why do they say there is no ulterior motive yet the conversation always turns to sex?

– Why is it always the babysitter for your first time (usually at age 12/13) and you feel you need to stress what a wonderful person she was?

– Why can’t a woman INTENTIONALLY be single and love it?

– Why must you brag about all of your money and success to me? Unless you are putting it in an envelope and mailing it to me, what do I care?

– Why do you ‘talk’ about doing things but you never ‘do’? Talking is just air. I can get that anywhere.

– Why keep running every day but never go anywhere?

– Why call after a long period of time and actually believe we would be interested in going out? Do you think we were waiting by the phone hoping?

– Why even bother accusing a woman of cheating? It’s the biggest red flag that tells us you are.

– Why ‘not’ cut your toenails? YUK!

– Why not at least try to buy our affection? It could work.

– Why can’t a girl drive a Mustang GT? What do you mean it’s a guys’ car. I’m not giving you crap about your Prius.

– Why can’t I use a man for sex?

– Why can’t I sleep with you on the first date and not be a nice girl? What if you suck? Or can’t get it up? Or you can’t kiss? Or it’s the size of a toothpick? That stuff is super important.

– Why can’t we let go of all of our high school judgemental theories?

– Why was it always the PE teacher the girls had a crush on, yet he was also the one who (according to rumors) couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

– Why add salt and pepper to your food without tasting it first? What if it doesn’t need any?

– Why, whenever I hear the word WeHo, I imagine a group of well dressed dwarfs with amazing abs singing, “WeHo..WeHo.. It’s off to…” and then I get stuck?

– How is Jax (of Sons of Anarchy) able to keep his shoes white? I mean, after all the riding, fighting, and shooting, you would think a splash of blood or something.

What am I up to now you ask? A couple people I care about have recently found out their child has autism. They have a long, stressful road ahead of them but I want them to know that there may be some unexpected surprises along the way.

THE JOYS OF AUTISM

When my oldest was younger there was this one area we would drive past and everytime we did he would slouch down nervously. Why was he so scared?
There was a high school with a large sign outside that said, “Children’s Recycling Center“. He thought they actually took in kids and then they were recycled..gone.
Imagine seeing the world literally.

With age came new experiences…

Rubbing His . .

“Mom! Look what I can do!” He then proceeds to rub his … I immediately stop him and try to explain as calmly as I can that it is completely normal but to please not show or tell anyone and to do it in a private place. “When I take a bath?” “Sure!” After an hour and a half goes by I tell him that it is time to get out. “But I can do it two times now!”

A male friend was over visiting, my son walked up to him and asked, “Are you going to have sex with my mom? Because if you do, I suggest you wear a condom”. I LOVE sex education.

He approached me very concerned. “I am very worried about this sex thing. I think I should just start wearing a condom right now”. “I really don’t think, being 14, that you have anything to worry about”. “But what if a group of girls surround me and force me to have sex with them? I don’t want STDs or AIDS! I just think I should just start wearing one now all the time. I want to be prepared.” I think they failed to point out some crucial information in sex ed class.”Just don’t worry about it.” “But what if they rape me?” “Seriously son.. that, will never, ever, happen. I promise!”

I Think I Have Aids

“I think I have AIDS”. “What? What are you talking about?” “I was doing that private thing in the shower and I used my wash for pimples. Will I get AIDS now?” This wash contains salicylic acid. “No, you won’t. Did you wash it all of? You can’t use that! Why not use instead (frantically searching) this Suave Coconut conditioner.” I can get it at the .99cent store.

I hear my name being screamed from the other room. “What is it?” “Look..I am growing hair! Everywhere! How can I make it stop?” “This is completely normal. You are getting older.” “NOOO! I don’t want my body to look like Chris Haslam’s hair!” The joys of enjoying skateboarding.

“WHY! OH WHY! Did you have to have sex 2 times! I hate my brother!!!” I hear this one pretty much on a daily basis.

I find him sneaking into my bathroom, looking suspicious, in the drawer where the razors are. “What are you doing?” “I need a razor. I need to shave all this hair off of me or else I could get crabs.” Step away from the razors.

“Why is it when I look at girls..you know…boobies, I get this weird kind of feeling?” “Umm..well that is because you like them. But don’t tell them that! It is completely normal”. “Can I tell them Nice Rack?” “No..probably not a good thing to say to a girl.”

I have two now.. “Mom..lately when I go to the bathroom, it hurts a little and I have these cramps and stuff.” “What? You have pain? Where?” “Right here! Right here in my abdomen.” “What it sounds like you are describing is PID”. “YES! That’s what I have!” “Well, first of all, I am assuming you have not had sex yet, just turning 13 and well…only girls can get it so I think your okay”. “Are you sure?” “Yes. Positive!”

One night a girlfriend arrives to pick me up for a night out on the town. This is the first introduction for the kids. “This is my friend…. These are my boys!” ” Do you do cocaine?” My friend, “What?” “Do you do cocaine? Because I don’t care if you do but I don’t want my mom to”. Yep…great introduction.

Took a fun bike ride down to the US Open. “There are a lot of pretty girls down here, isn’t there?” “No crap Shakespeare!” What? Ohhh!!! He meant No Shit Sherlock. I will let that one go.

Mom.. What’s a Whore?

“Mom.. What’s a whore?” “What’s Tea-Bag?” “What is a slut?” “What does crap mean?” “Why did a guy call a girl a fox when she is a girl?” “How can a dog be a dog and a person a dog?” “What does pussy mean?” Now they have not heard these words in our home but from other kids! Just try to come up with a definition for these words. It isn’t that easy!

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NEVER A DULL MOMENT!

Sorry for the delay but I got wrapped up with watching this tv series about hookers and Jesus. Totally the truth! Only three episodes which was unfortunate but hey.. it was better than Gigilos. That show was horrible! Of course I already pretty much figured Jesus loved hookers. I mean, he loves everybody. I thought for a minute, “Hey..Could that be a fun shirt?”. I ask one of my gfs. “What do you think? Too much?” “ummm.. just a little”. No fun!

What a great month! I got to do a lot of what I love (No! Not that!).. Going to concerts. Got to party, meet amazing people, “bond” with my niece (we have our own version) and fantasize about a couple of hot men. There is something about listening to great live music that just invites those things to happen (along with beer and shots of JD). Discovered a great upcoming band called IronTom. They opened at the Viper Room before the incredibly hot and sexy Franky Perez & The Truth. If you have been reading my blogs you will recognize the name. Memorize it because he will be huge. His new song “Higher Ground” was on at the beginning of Sons of Anarchy Premiere so any minute fame will kick in and I will lose my shot at capturing him and locking him in my bedroom to use as I like. Damn it! The downside of success 🙁 Rots my ass! Of course we know I am a S Factor girl, 100%! I have a pole in my living room and I’m not afraid to use it. Well, have used that song the last couple classes and I firmly believe it is working because I am able to get a great visual in my mind. Plus I have probably 30 pictures on my phone and a video..they help.

Scaring The Staff At The Viper Room

The Viper Room was a blast. Incredible staff although I did scare one. His said I was kind of a lot to take in. So silly.. all I did was give him a condom with a QR Code sticker. He did read the shirts I gave the waitress’. Everyone else was awesome and I think by the end, I started to grow on him. I can’t help it! I get a little more verbal when I drink. It’s my job! Got to meet one of my twitter friends. He was cool. He bought us shots so you know, he had me at, “these are for you and your niece”. She was pretty busy jamming with Billy and Nikki so it was hard to get her attention initially but I did. I love that place. I did NOT however, get to meet Franky quietly (in a closet) get a proper introduction (stick my tongue in his mouth) or say hi (climax). Unfortunately, I had to do that later on all by myself. He was there in spirit 😉

Also hit JackFest. GREAT party with my favorite girl! and amazing friends who party like rockstars. She is the one with the tiny flask. Her dad was a doll and it was beyond fun (yep..not one pic without a beer in my hand!). Believe it or not, MC Hammer was amazing. Back to how he was before he became a “pop star” and those people there were definitely trying to get down with their bad selves. I had flashbacks of Detroit, with my gfs, not knowing who he was but blown away. Toto was fantastic! (or maybe thats when the alcohol kicked in) but I know we were singing loud. The whole night..smiled non-stop.
Took my niece to my favorite sushi place. Made her try these yummy shots with oyster and quail eggs. You gotta love the face. I told her, it is always weird the first time you swallow!
So where does the overflow come in? Me! I can be “overflow”. A lot kind of all at once but once you get your balance, you realize its all good.

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Fun Fact:

Me? My Own Television Show?

WHY IN THE HELL DO I NOT HAVE MY OWN REALITY SHOW?

How Perfect Am I?

PICK ME!!
THINK TRAFFIC!

It’s Saturday night and I’m scrambling. I want to win this contest with Think Traffic. If you aren’t familiar with it, I will fill you in if I win, otherwise you’re on your own. They need me to write something about why I should win this Mentorship for a year. With their help, I could actually, maybe, make some money! How about that?! Hard to believe, I know, but I dare to dream, so here goes…

Okay.. I think I’m going to attack this from a private investigator point of view (goes along with my handcuffs hanging on my rear view mirror). This is what I know..

I know that I need this for my website to become successful. I know that the clothing I’m selling always make people smile and laugh. I know that I need to get people to start buying them. I know that I am apparently, quite entertaining. I know I have had 65,202 page views and 30,333 individuals check out my site..from all over the world! I know that obviously, a few keep coming back. I know it is for my blog because they aren’t spending money on my clothing or making donations. I know my blog makes people laugh because they tell me so. I know that I want to be able to support my kids, on my own, without government help. I know that I am never going to get the $350,000 in back support I am owed. I know that because of my kids medical problems I have to do something.

I know that my blog “I’m in Love 2012” was huge for me. I got 6600 new hits on that one. I know that 9000 hits in a month is really great. I know I can do it. I taught myself everything from filing my own trademarks, copyrights, file sales/user taxes, how to use a heat press, use Corel Draw, make a QR code. I’ve walked into the AVN Expo, having no clue, but facing the fear and introducing myself to everyone I could. I know that I love my stuff. I wear it everyday.

How Do You Make A Website?

Now here is what I don’t know… I don’t know how to make a website. I have one through Vistaprint. I don’t know about SEO. I don’t know how to build a subscriber list. I don’t know how to spread the word more globally about my site. I don’t know how to improve my website. I don’t know if I should start placing ads online..or in magazines. I don’t know about hosting or website optimizing. BUT most importantly.. I don’t know how to make money with my site and that’s what I need to do. I have created something a little different, that entertains both men and women and puts out there the things most are afraid to say. I am proud of what I have done so far. My car has giant magnets on the doors promoting my site. My QR code is on my windshield. My license plate and brake light show my website and I drive around head held high. I like to inspire women. I want them to say whatever they want to say, do what makes them happy and quit trying to please the world. I want men to know that we don’t hate the player, we just hate the game.

Regardless of what happens.. Whether I win or lose…Next week I am off to Las Vegas for the ANE/AEE Expo and AVN Awards and I am going to walk in there more prepared than last year and love it when/if someone recognizes me from my site or last year and shouts it out or asks for a picture. That’s something…

Now is the time…I must have a glass of wine and toast my future..

“Here’s to better days and better lays” (Okay a little raunchy but I gotta think about my peeps. I have a reputation to maintain) 😉

Holli and Michael  LIVE on Playboy Radio!

Yep.. Me.. Not a virgin. I am sure you are thinking wtf? Ya right! Well in the area of radio interviews I was!

My portion starts at around 34:00. I still haven’t completely watched it. Initially I figured I would be too superficial about it, then I wanted feedback, then we get to now.
They were wonderful and made me so comfortable. SOOOO much fun!

I hope you get a kick out of it. I gave them some shirts to share and boyshorts to wear! They were a hit in Jamaica! I guess I can say a part of me has been there. The fun part!

Check out their website. http://holliandmichael.com/

Let loose and enjoy!

I told myself I was going to blog tonight, no matter what! I had planned on the narcissistic route but then thought I will hear enough of that tomorrow so I delve into the internet a little. I decide to look into fun and wild vacations. Those places you can get crazy, not wear clothes and do dirty things which leads me to the Island of Sin. Catchy title so I look into it. I see that it is also called Orgy Island. Sounds like every straight man’s dream vacay right? I wonder how it happens. Is it all-inclusive? Is gratuity included? What is the correct percentage you should tip? So I delve even further.

Jeffrey Epstein is the person who owns the island. It is actually called Little St. James Island. Who is this guy? No degree but a billionaire. He owns a 51,000 square foot place in Manhattan? Has two airplanes, a gulfstream and boeing, that are commonly referred to as the Lolita Express. How does that happen?

He was a math teacher, creative, offered a job at Bearns, and within 6 years is made partner and starts his own firm. He only accepts clients with an income of one billion. Anything less, he will turn you down. Geesh.. I keep digging.

Is that Stephen Hawkings at the Orgy Island? Why, yes it is! Bill Clinton? You know it. Even Hilary! I didn’t know they were into orgys but who am I to judge.

There is a lot of the elite associating with this man. He has even had royalty. I see an unfamiliar name. His friend, Ron Burkle. Apparently he has a plane and it is called Air Fuck One. Hmm.. Then I see it. Jeffrey Epstein is a registered sex offender. Was not expecting that. He has been accused of assault by like 40 girls all under 18. There were some as young as 12! They were to provide massages to his guests and more. Only got 18 months in jail and served 13. Wtf? This is totally fucked

I am disgusted. I can’t believe it. Actually, I can believe it but I don’t want to. This guy is totally f’d in the head. I can only read a little more because it’s just so wrong. All his guests were pedophiles according to more articles. Call me naive but I’m like, even Stephen Hawkings? He’s too smart to do that. Media gossip overload. I’m not sure how much of what is in the articles are true but there is definitely enough to show that a lot of it is. Orgy Island sounded alright at the start didn’t it? Not anymore.

I should have stuck with narcissists.

I have come up with a ridiculous plan that I think could work! It could save marriages and/or at a minimum, expand your sex horizons!

When I got divorced, I wasn’t terribly worried about the dating scene. I mean, it’s just like riding a bike ;). It will all come back to you. I had game before I was married and I wasn’t a naive woman. I thought I knew a thing or two, make that twenty. I was ready to join the game, but wait! I was not! I had no idea. The game had changed and the rules were all different. WTF? I had no clue what the hell was going on? There I was making the late night phone call to my gay relative.. “So if a guy wants me to use a strap on or dildo in his ass, does that mean he is gay?” I feel stupid now for even thinking that. That’s how little I knew. “I would really like it if you peed on me”. Umm.. What? Why? What does that do? ” I want you to spank my ass”. Wait, you don’t want to spank mine. You want me to spank yours? “Let’s bring out the toys and you put on this strap on because you look hot in it (really?) and put it in my ass!” Put it in your ass? Why yours? When did it stop being about my ass and turn into being all about yours? Isn’t that what guys love? Isn’t that like their Mount Everest? I don’t understand. “Put me in the corner and tell me I’m a bad boy. Make sure you spank me really hard so it hurts when I walk”. Really? You want it to hurt that much? Honestly, that part was kind of fun although I do not want it done to me. I was clueless. Lol. Now, if a guy asks me to use a dildo in his ass, he would be the LAST person I think is gay. FYI.. Rule of thumb, “They will fuck it but they won’t eat it”. That is the line they don’t cross.

When this subject comes up around married couples they are thrown! They are like NO WAY! The husband is like no one is putting anything in my ass and the wife is like seriously? This is how I came up with the seven year ditch. Seven years is a point where you have been together long enough to where the sex is routine, vanilla. It’s where they start to get annoyed with the little things and start to wonder how it is on the other side of the fence. I say it’s time to take a mini break. Separate and get out there. Discover what has been introduced into the sex world. What new games are out there. What new erogenous zone has been discovered. See what sexual things people are now comfortable doing. Improve your game playing skills by learning the new rules.

I know, you think, why would you want to go back? Well for women, once you deal with the jackrabbits, the narcissists, the criers, the submissives, the dead fucks, the “my cock is so big I am just going to lay here” guys, the ADHD guy who can’t hold any position for more than a couple seconds, the ones who want you to call them daddy, the ones who want to pee on you or you to pee on them, the ones who talk about their ex most of the time, the ones that don’t shower (YUCK!), the ones who need a serious trim down there (unruly is not attractive!), she will be ready to go back. She will know that the grass isn’t greener.

With the man, well after he sees how high maintenance women are now and how costly dating can be, with no guarantees of sex or a blow job. He will appreciate what he had and how good he had it. The dating scene is exhausting and will burn both of you out. The fun part is that both of you will have some new playtime activities to share to give the relationship a fun reboot.

So this is my completely idiotic  idea that I think could work, although, as always,  it is just a suggestion.

Single mothers are a special type of woman and should be treated as such

There are many men out there who have no idea where they went wrong, while dating a single mother. In particular, if they have no children. You have no idea, even though you think you do, what it is like raising kids, if you do not have any. In any relationship you want to date someone who makes your life better. When it comes to single mothers, add easier on to that.

Do not assume anything is she doesn’t call you right back, especially assuming the worst. We have no tolerance for that and frankly, dealing with the fact that the toilet is overflowing and the dog is in the vicinity, is a hell of a lot more important than stroking you ridiculous insecurities.

Do not waste our time. It is valuable. We always have a list of things that needed to be done yesterday and frivolous moments anger us. We don’t find them endearing.

Do not talk about your money and success. It doesn’t make you seem more appealing or want us to get serious about you. We already know resale on a wedding ring sucks so unless you are giving us that cash, no strings attached, what the ‘f’ do we care.

Do.. Don’t say! We have children. We know how kids can be, which is quite similar to the male. Guys who tell us what our lives could be like or things they would do for us… We don’t believe it. Do you know how many times our kids have promised never to do something again, but they do. You are in that category.

Don’t invite us on a first date for coffee. We have  coffee at home and when you throw gas in their, this date is costing us money. Not worth it.

Do not allow them to pay for anything. For bonus points, offer to pay for the sitter. Life is hard enough on us. We are already struggling financially. No doubt one of the kids is going to need braces, another is growing out of their shoes. When it comes to dating, for us to even consider, you need to show you appreciate what she lives with.

Do not ask her to come over. Gas costs money. We already know if you ask us over, you are hoping for sex. You expect us to pay for sex?? That is what you are saying. Bonus points if you offer to give gas money for occasions that require her to drive. It shows that you care and want to make things easier, not harder.

Don’t tell her you understand anything about being a single mom. You don’t.

Don’t spend the whole time talking about yourself. We have kids so we are already surrounded by narcissists.

Don’t buy us gifts you like. We have no use for them and in our minds will tally how much you spent and tell our friends that you should have just given her the cash because the youngest is sick, so you have had to stay home and lost income. You want to get us something, how about a free sitter so we can take a nap. A maid so we can go one day without having to clean. Give us a gift certificate for Target. We always need stuff from Target. Those gifts are appreciated. A pretty scarf or flowers… what are we going to do with that?

Find out something she likes to have or do to relax and show up for each date with one. It doesn’t have to be huge, just show you are aware and know. If her way of unwinding is getting a massage, bring her a gift certificate. Normally, single moms put everyone else before themselves, so things like that are always on the bottom of the priority list, therefore, never happen. She likes wine to relax, bring a bottle. That will be appreciated.

Don’t talk about how ready you are for kids. No need to present your resume or passive aggressively tell us that there is a wonderful man out there who is perfect for us. That’s a fairy tale, our lives are reality. The fact that you took us to your favorite restaurant for dinner shows us right there that you are not. We go to the restaurants the kids will behave best and asking us what we would like never happens at home.

Remember that us going out, when we get home there will always be some sort of disaster that will make us determine whether or not it was worth it. Most times it is easier to stay home.

Don’t ask to meet our kids, especially at the beginning of a relationship. They are our diamonds, our hearts, our souls. Do not go there. We are big lions and have seen enough television specials to believe this is a red flag. We will protect our kids to the death.

Ask us about us and listen! Adult conversation is few and far between and being asked about ourselves is even less. We will appreciate that and it will force us to look back to before kids, when we mattered.

Do not make us kick you out. At the end of the evening, tell us you are going to get going because you know we need our sleep and you do not want the kids to see you. It isn’t fun having to tell someone to leave and usually when it’s late, we are tired and have zero patience. Get a clue.

Never let us pay for a drink. If you don’t think we are worth $5, you don’t stand a chance and don’t start telling us how women use you for free drinks, etc. You are trying to get them in the sack. It is a two way street. Spending $30 on drinks? You are saying we aren’t worth that? By the way, women are friendlier across the board after lots of alcohol. You actually will improve your chances.

Single mothers have (over the years) worked out a system in their household that works. It has taken a lot of trial and error but we do know what works and what doesn’t. Everyday we compromise and use every ounce of patience we have. We have no energy left for you. It isn’t meant to be offensive. It isn’t personal. It just is. We are exhausted. We are under stress. We are walking a tight rope financially. You should help, not hinder. Make it easier, not harder. Make us laugh, not cry. We are strong because we have to be. We are special and worth it.

Unless you are up for the above, you are wasting her (and your) time. As I write this, I am enjoying my 5 minutes of silence while my one is asleep in his bed with an earache and the other one was dropped off at school bitching the whole way about how much he hates it. The other one will wake up and act like a baby because all boys/men do when they are sick. He is going to complain to me all day about it. I am only giving my opinion and honestly, I think you can also apply all of these to women in general but I know that will make things more complicated so I am going with single moms.

Rule: Always try to make things easier, always! Sorry but the “pleasure” of your company isn’t as fulfilling as you think it is.

Supermom

Valentine’s Day got you worried? Not sure how you are going to pull it off with all those couples invites? I have the perfect solution! It’s a new service I started called “Dream Date For Hire”.

Our Current Dates Available For Hire:

Your Valentines Date

As you can see..we only hire professionals. We want you to feel confident that she will fit in, regardless of the event. Perhaps, it is a mass at church or a fine dining restaurant..even a picnic with wine and cheese.

We do an in depth background search and psychological testing. We also want to make sure she can do well in group situations. Someone you can feel comfortable introducing your parents to. We want her to represent a girl next door, who enjoys gatherings but understands responsibility and behaving appropriately. Someone your dad will love.

As you can see by the above photographs, she is exactly who you want to have as your escort on Valentine’s Day. It will keep all the constant questioning..”You still not dating? Any chance of grandchildren ever? Are you ever going to get married? Do you like women?” from ruining your evening.

We have other members but want to highlight our most qualified.

If interested please contact us as soon as possible. With these kind of members, they won’t last long.

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I know! There is nothing faster but you are wrong! Can I just say this is going to sound crazy at first but it really isn’t.

So this is the deal… My car has been driving by itself. I swear! It sounds impossible and at first I couldn’t believe it, nor could anyone I told, but it’s true!

I was pushing on the brake and my car accelerated! I turn the car on and the engine started revving, without me putting my foot on the pedal!

Ford Denies Problem With Braking System

I went on the National Transportation site and I read that this is not only happening to me. It is happening to a lot of people. They are crashing but Ford denies a problem. It isn’t just the Mustangs, it’s the 500s, the Freestyles, etc. Once I found this out I started to let others know, I wasn’t insane. “My car used to do that”. “Was it a Ford?” “Nope”. “What did you do?” “I sold it”. Isn’t this something I should have known about? My car drives by itself!

I am glad I went on the site because I have seen how much money people have spent trying to find a fix but can’t. They are spending thousands of dollars! My repair friend said that without the engine light on, it is a guessing game. Ford denies ever hearing there is a problem but there are a ton of complaints on the site. Wtf? This is some crazy shit. I posted my complaint, and signed up for future notice of recalls. This however, according to Ford, is not happening. I am sharing this because it’s a little scary.

Ladies, everyone!, go to the site and sign up. Read about your vehicle so you can see that perhaps you are not the only insane person.

I just feel bad for being a bitch to those people who wait like 3 feet behind cars at lights. Now I think they could be doing it because they are having the same problem. It would be weird though if I pulled up to them, pointed at the gap, and was like “Does your car drive by itself also?” That might put the crazy back.

We have just experienced another loss that is heartbreaking

How could this happen? How come no one saw this coming? Why is the biggest question?
People are all over the internet posting about the loss. Some are trying to make sense of it. Many don’t even want to acknowledge that is was a suicide. How could this Icon as depressed?

Why is that so hard to believe? If it was suicide, is it any different from any other person committing suicide? It is to some people. They saw him as a creative genius with a voice like no other. He had a beautiful wife and kids. Plenty of money. A beautiful home.  Why would he be depressed? He never looked depressed. Many with depression are brilliant at not exposing their inner feelings. They know ways to hide it. They can make the outside look almost perfect…even when it isn’t.

There are people out there who you could call PHDP. Perfectly Hidden Depressed People. I personally, believe he could be one. Is that a bad thing? I have a feeling there are a few people out there reading this and getting defensive. Why? Does it make him less of an artist? Does it lesson his abilities to touch you with his songs and voice? I am so sick of the stigma out there about depression. The belief that they are weak. The belief that getting help is embarrassing. “I don’t want to take medication because it will change me.” “I don’t want to have to take pills for the rest of my life.” This is such bullshit. This is why I make the clothing I do. Putting it all out there and screw what others think. It isn’t a crutch. It’s a way to get back to you. This stigma makes them feel like they are a burden if they need help. Who wants to bring that into someone else’ life?  What if they decide this problem is so much work that they just need to get away from it. You get enough courage to put yourself out there and they leave. It doesn’t matter who you are, that can be heart breaking so they hide it. They push it down deep inside. The problem is that it will start to leak out and in ways that aren’t healthy.

Many substance abusers are self medicating. It can be drugs or alcohol but it aids them it dealing with that deep down feeling like you could be a burden. It isn’t always related to depression. It could be so many things. Usually, regardless of what it is, it hasn’t been dealt with. My youngest was always in trouble in elementary school. Screaming, out of control.I could tell at the beginning of the school year. The teachers would look at him like he is so cute. At Christmas I could see they hated him. They had no patience with him and he could see it too. He was failing everything. Imagine that. Everyday being punished, every one seeing you get in trouble in class, no one wanting to be your friend. You are failing, you are a failure. I just knew that the kid they were seeing wasn’t my kid. For fun I gave this son a ritalin. It blew my mind. I teared up. He was much calmer. He was able to focus and stop himself. I sent him to school with the ritalin. Overnight, everything changed. He became a straight A student. Now the teachers liked him although I could tell, he remembered when they didn’t. He started to have confidence. I went to the doctor’s so thrilled with the results. I talked about how mean and judgmental people could be. How could you put your child on medication? What are you doing? The doctor said to me, “You see that kid on medication. He is calm, loving and patient. That is who your son is. He is not the out of control, screaming boy. Ritalin did that. Imagine how much better he must feel and how it felt for him to be yelled out for years and be labeled a failure.” The comments never bothered me again.

Is medication the answer for everyone? No, I am sure it isn’t but how will we know if we continue to go along with society and make others feel like they will be ostracized if they need help. Life is hard, especially these days. Suicide can be prevented. There can be little clues to watch for in people. Just like autism, no one is the same but the hidden signs of depression have a few common traits. One that is definitely the case here could be that they usually are Uniquely Talented.They can express themselves in such amazing ways. They have such intense feelings and are able to express them artistically like no other. They are able to expose the good and the bad parts of the soul in such beautiful ways that you can feel it, physically. They can be very philosophic about life. What is their purpose? We all want to have a purpose. What should I be doing? What can I do to make me have more of a purpose? They want love and acceptance like everyone else but deep down the depression makes them feel like they don’t deserve it. They end up keeping quiet. You may notice that your talks and meet ups are pretty quick and consist of generic conversation. This is a way of not letting you see how they are feeling. They build a wall, like many of us do, to avoid getting hurt. They are afraid if you know the truth, you will think less of them.

The really shitty part is if they are depressed and they aren’t getting help, like many things in life, it will find ways to come out. A common go to would be alcohol, drugs, problems sleeping, not wanting to eat. No imagine if you are already dealing with all these hidden sad feelings inside and you work very hard to keep them under wraps. Throw no sleep and no eating into that mix. What do you think will happen? How they will feel?

They could lash out at others. When that happens there usually is some anxiety with that. They may start to have affairs, lose interest in having sex, just be tired all the time. You may notice that they are just a little less optimistic than they used to be. Their attitude is just slightly leaning towards being a little too realistic. This can go along with feeling guilty. This guilt does not make sense. It can be blown out of proportion and it can be about the silliest things, like being born. I know, how are you supposed to see these things? You have seen him happy and excited. They can have those times. Unfortunately once those moments are over they go right back to way they have been feeling all along. Over time, depression can and will get worse if it isn’t dealt with. Imagine how it would feel to achieve all the fame and adulation that Chris had. Everyone in a crowd cheering for him. Everyone telling him how fantastic he is, how talented he is. How much of a difference he has made in their life. Now imagine… coming out and telling others you are depressed and can’t shake it. You feel guilty because you think it sounds like you don’t appreciate everything you have (which is not true). Do you want to tell anyone and bring them down?

There may be a time where the walls are down and they will say something that will show you that there is more going on inside. It may be subtle. When someone never talks about their feelings and thoughts, it’s real easy for us to blow them off because it isn’t how they usually are. That may be the time to pause, listen and hopefully encourage them to get help. If you are able to get through to them, help them make the appointment and then make sure they go to the appointment. A lot of times after going to sleep they can talk themselves out of it. Going to the appointment means they really are depressed, they really are not perfect, they are flawed and weak (to them). It’s a scary feeling to let our walls down especially in the world today where they put such negative connotations on mental health. As far as I’m concerned, we are all a little fucked up. We all have our moments. Why can’t we just put that shit out there and turn it into just another characteristic. If we continue to hide it, it just encourages others to. We are all just people, human and just for the record.. I take medication, my kids take medication and my dogs take medication too so feel free to judge away if you want. I really don’t fucking care.