Me? My Own Television Show?Can someone please tell me where everyone disappeared to?? I had all of these new hits last month and then.. POOF! Wtf? Did I offend someone? Do I have to start going door to door offering sexual favors? I’m at a loss. When I am at a loss, I decide to take a look at my life from the outside. It hit me!!
WHY IN THE HELL DO I NOT HAVE MY OWN REALITY SHOW?
I mean.. Just take a look at some of the reasons I feel I am ideal.
..I love to drink.
..I have a lot of prescription pills
..I like sex and think women should do whatever they want and screw everyone else
..When experiencing all of the above, when the right song comes on the radio, I think I am in a rock video
..I live in a trailer and am proud of it (helps my brand image also)
..I take S Factor, which is pole dancing and promote it everywhere I go
..I have a pole in my living room
..I have concert purses and they each have a name
..I like to play dress up and have outfits for fun
..My bedroom has a S&M decor
..My ex owes me $349,000+ in child support
..My kids think I have only had sex twice
..I stopped making payments on my credit cards at the beginning of summer
..I live on government assistance and my kids have disabilities so every month, I am fighting school districts, govt agencies, filling out paperwork, fighting non-stop to barely get by
..I am trying to start my own business so that I don’t have to do the above and can take my kids on their first vacation and we can live better than scraping by
..My business requires me to drink
..My business is adult oriented and I have done every step myself, teaching myself, even filed for my own trademark (Registered!)
..I copyrighted all of my phrases so if anyone uses them I can sue
..I say whatever I think to men and it’s usually calling them out on something
..My close friends find me sweet, school districts think I’m a bitch, regular friends think I’m a blast, guys can’t figure me out and everyone else thinks I’m crazy
..My friends are really hot!
..I’ll try anything once
..I am the only person at a gay bar who drinks beer. AND it’s in the bottle.
..I walk around naked a little too often
..The higher the heels, the better
..I have a cock shot collection
..I always wear my TheAssGirl clothing and am proud of it
..I never sleep with the people I date
..I have wigs
..I am a concert whore. Love them!
..I offered to go to jail but the DA thought I was crazy and wouldn’t let me
..I have the word CHAOS tattooed on my back
..My car has handcuffs on the mirror, TheAssGirl license plate frame, my company QR code as a window sticker, a Size Matters emblem on the rear of the car, and giant magnets on my doors promoting my website
..I have an oversized golden retreiver who tries to attack big dogs and a brain damaged shitzu
..I’m not afraid to make an ass of myself. I have done it many times
..I’m trying to keep it together until I’m 65. I have no retirement so my best option is to go insane and live in a nice facility. Free meals, my own room, pills, what’s not to love??
..I have my kids 24/7. It’s just me
..Due to the enormous stress I have in my life, there is an excellent chance that I will snap pretty soon and everyone could witness it!
..There never is a dull moment in my life
How Perfect Am I?
Seriously! See what I mean? Yes, it is a bit of a lengthy list but you know me. I tend to rant, especially after a couple drinks so… I’m not giving up on my business but I would be a lot more entertaining than some of those shows out there. I also was able to scrape up enough to get myself a pass for the ANE/AVN Expo in Las Vegas (January..porn stars, sex toys) for a second time. Last year I went with no place to stay and no money. Thankfully! A good friend helped me out with the room but it was crazy. I actually don’t have a room yet for this one. I’m saving and trying to figure that part out BUT no worries! I will figure it out and keep plugging forward in an attempt to pay cash for my beer and occasionally buy a man a drink. LMAO! Ya Right!
Say Something Raunchy