I can only rent because I have commitment issues

Actually it came out of left field. A compliment from a friend, from back in the day, that made me smile. Yes, it wasn’t exactly roses & champagne, but when has that ever worked for me? NEVER! I’d rather hear reality. We caught up, had intelligent conversation, then discussed what we had in common over the years (I pointed out that 3D porn..a COMPLETE waste of money!) and out convo ended with, “I’m going to bury myself in the assgirl’s ass as a closer”.

Okay, so maybe a bit much but honest none-the-less. Why that doesn’t offend me, I do not know and who cares. It made me smile and thats what matters! Did you read my August? Did not make me smile! Life does that sometimes which is why when I get bored or disappointed with life, I entertain myself. I “create” fun. In my own way. For example! Sometimes I’ll call Shop Erotic customer service and complain that a product hasn’t worked for me! I’ve also complained if I felt that the host did not genuinely seem to use the product. I would never promote something that I didn’t believe in. I like to go to sex stores, go into the back DVD area and say to men, “Hey! How’s it going?”.

This makes them very uncomfortable. I go online and for fun (right now alot of credit card companies are letting you personalize your cards) I put a picture of myself on a pole on my card. IT WENT THRU! I have another card with a cheezy picture of myself sitting on a motorcycle. I never actually thought they would approve it but… I love using them at places! Sometimes I will spend a day referring to myself in the third person, take on an accent, walk about to those kiosks for general questions and ask how they get the name Dick from Richard? This perplexes me. I’ve asked the dominos pizza guy to bring me alcohol and ice and promised to flash my friends boobs (It worked!).

15 Condoms And Vagina Wipes

I’ve explained I can only rent because I have commitment issues. At Kid Rock (you know how they search your purse) I threw 15 condoms and vagina wipes at the top so that when the woman looked she would be all uncomfortable. I was like, “Hoping for a good night!”. Life can be full of alot of shit. You can’t let it drag you down. When it feels like your drowning, change into that mermaid costume you bought on sale and fuck with the people around you! I love sex shop sales! Got this vibrating glove for like 70% off. Saw another full price. I asked why. “It’s a left hand”. What? LMAO! Did I buy it? Hell yes! cause I’m a badass who lives on the edge and has no problem with shaking things up and switching hands. I’m crazy that way! OK..mind you, normally I’m drunk..but I genuinelly believe Mr.Pabst considered sponsoring me after reading my letter about our mutual love. If he didn’t, someone got a kick out of it. Hell! Budweiser wrote me back! Ya gotta love it! Life can be hard but I say the only thing I want hard…is a giant dick!

Photo Mayhem:

[nggallery id=7]