How Do You Know If You are any Good at Oral?

Absentmindedness? Not because I am late with my blog. That is too easy and we are talking about me! As you can see I have been on a couple excursions. All very fun ones. I will not allow anything else. Unfortunately, every time I began to write my blog…something kept knocking at my brains door.

Regret. WHAT? REGRET? That is totally against everything I preach. I KNOW! Wtf? Let me clarify…It goes a little something like this…

You know how when I get bored in life I will add my own ounce of humor to a situation, that the other party, at times, is not aware of? Well…that is how this came about. I had a couple drinks on a hot day (shocker? NOT!) and was chatting away when a man came up and jumped into the convo which is always a welcomed surprise. He had been drinking, just as I had (another shocker? NO WAY JOSE!) and was amusing. He stated he had a question. What’s up?! Him, “How do you know if you are any good at oral?” He then told me of a couple ladies who are “extremely” happy with his “oral” skills so he is pretty confident but was just wondering. (Btw..you know when I start using quotation marks a lot I have a tiny buzz going).

Now the fact that he was asking showed me he wasn’t quite as confident as he thought. The fact that he pointed out how many women enjoy his “talents” showed me (in my opinion..fucked up or not) that he probably is a bit of a narcissist and can’t hear, if being told, what he should be doing. So, like the wild animal I can tend to be, smelling weakness (BAD DIANA!) I decide to play with him. Now remember this is for my amusement so not necessarily true. AND remember I am completely full of shit. SO… I know that at some point in time every woman has said to a man, performing oral, “I want to feel you inside of me”. This is not always due to lack of skills. For some, it’s because they can’t get off that way. And others just don’t like it because they know there will be kissing afterwards and aren’t quite there yet. There are quite a few who actually, truly prefer that feeling. I just think everyone has said it at least once, if not a lot more.

So I reply,”If you suck, they place their hands on the sides of your face and tell you, they want to feel you inside of them.” At the time, I thought it was very funny, not really absorbing the look on his face. I had a couple beers!

A few days later I was telling a friend about it (while drinking..surprise!) and we were laughing hysterically. We get how funny it is because every woman pretty much says it and he is probably going thru all of his history stored up in his brain, driving himself crazy. I then understand that look on his face. Panic.. Now everytime a girl says it, even if he knows it isn’t true, it will linger there..in the back of his brain..stewing… Like I said..not fair = guilt. Bad Diana! What to do! I must see the big picture.

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Supporting Booty Calls

You know I support booty calls (B.C.s). They are my longest relationships and serve a wonderful purpose. I usually have a developed, if not in the process of developing a friendship, and great, fun, playful interaction with them. Of course, because I find this amusing, I tell this story to them. The problem? I discover that not only did I fuck that guy, I fucked myself. It was during a playtime situation when I caught myself. “I” say that EXACT SAME line and because I told this guy that story, “I” can’t say that line now. FUK! I have always been smart about covering my ass but not now. Perhaps because I am so used to covering my ass I forgot about the other body parts…ie. my mouth! In general, I don’t think before I talk but if it is going to effect my love life, then I must learn to.
In the meantime, I shall continue my climb up the concert whore ladder and post a few pics. The “Hit Me With Your Big Cock” boyshorts were a huge hit at Pat Benetar! AND Johnny Depp… Much hotter in person! Thanks Thom for letting me be your escort to that event. Met some amazing people and was definitely one of my Top 10 nights!