I know according to medical books, men have balls. I’m just not very confident about that anymore. Yes, I know, there is scientific proof but maybe over time they have shrunk so much and are so little that they are insignificant. It’s the only explanation I can come up with.
This guy I know got a girlfriend, which is a great thing! But she is (here comes the big shocker) a bit insecure, so no one has seen him since. Gone. Poof! I mean you know how it is when you let your boyfriend out of the house. The first thing they are going to do is not visit friends,have a beer or watch a game. Nope. They are out the door and in a whore.
Okay.. that is bullshit and lame, although if I was with someone like that I would be head out and never come back. If I wanted to be controlled I would have a collar around my neck with a leash attached. Do you see a leash? I can’t totally hate on her though. She is the stereotypical woman. Insecure, assume the worst and manipulate him with blowjobs. Does that actually work? Hell ya!Throw in some sex and maybe a few toys or if toys aren’t in your budget, move your hips a little.. Yep. He is a goner. Do I take issue with this? Not really. It’s the all too familiar game that has been going on for years. It’s stupid and lame but it exists. The part I take issue with is the ditching the best friend part.
It surprised me that anyone (who I believed to be an intelligent human being) would cut that rope for sex. Seriously? Is the sex that amazing? Life changing? What is it? It has always been my understanding that a best friend is someone who has been there for you when nobody else has. A person who stands by you even when you’re a jackass. A person who covers your ass even when you don’t deserve it. A person who makes fun of all the stupid shit you do. Why would you ever want to toss that aside, treat it like meaningless garbage. I decided to do some research.
I started asking men around me. Would you ditch your best friend for sex? EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM SAID YES! I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I asked, “Even if the sex sucks?” They looked at me like I had spoke Russian and had no clue what I was saying. Bad sex? Is there such a thing? Does it even exist? As a woman I can say that YES! there is bad sex out there and when you find amazing sex, it is such a special gift that you will get stupid and let things slide that you normally wouldn’t. Why? Because amazing sex is hard to find. Apparently it isn’t though according to men. As I looked at each of these men, they started to shrink in front of me. Any of the extra special traits I thought they had started to disintegrate in front of me. I was immediately starting to think less of them. I think I may have even been disappointed in a few. Wtf?
I felt zero sexual attraction for anyone. I felt hopeless. Of course none of these relationships end up “Happily Ever After”. When the fairy tale ends, the Best Friend assumes the queen’s seat beside the King and is his bitch again.
Trying to look at it from a different angle today I see that maybe to them all sex is good sex. All they want to do really is get off and once that is done, it is mission accomplished. I guess it might not matter how you got there, whether it was a bumping ride, smooth ride or super speedy (you know who you are!).
There really is only one thing that I guess men should know (just in case). To you, all sex is great. To us, IT IS NOT! It really isn’t! We have categories for the bad sex men, because there are so many of them! We don’t like it. It sucks. It wastes our time. We regret it and beat ourselves up. You are NOT all good in bed. You aren’t. I’m sorry but it’s true. So do us both a favor and don’t get lazy. Don’t think just because you are hard and on your back that you are pleasing your woman. You aren’t. AND don’t forget about oral. It matters. I don’t care if you don’t like it or the taste of it. Have you ever tasted sweaty balls or got a hair caught in your throat? Or had to lick something that taste horrible because you thought since you were running out of time, that instead of showering you would just spray some cologne on your dick and that would be good enough? It isn’t!
Now Go Hit The Showers!
Say Something Raunchy