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Erotic Product Reviews

  • Ann Chery Latex Vest Waist Trainer

    Waist Trainer/Waist Cincher.. Who cares? Do they really work?

    Everyone is saying it works. Everyone is showing pics that “prove” it works. Why not jump on the bandwagon? Imagine if it works!!

    I did a lot of research online before ordering a waist trainer. There are a lot of stores out there and most of them look like they are selling the exact same ones. I looked at pricing, shipping (they try to get you there) and reviews.  Ann Chery seemed to be the top manufacturer.

    Ann Chery

    When I found the best pricing and availability, I placed my order. I decided to go with the vest since I am on my laptop quite a bit which I know causes my neck pain. I thought it would be a better investment and help my posture. It said you could lightly work out in it. Black seemed the most practical and latex. There is a chart where you can choose what size you need. It arrived in just a couple days. I was excited until I went to put it on. Mental Note To All… Sizing chart is wrong. Go one size up. I didn’t want the hassle of having to return it and reorder, the comments stated they were able to tighten it after a couple weeks. I was getting this thing on. OMG!! Hell! Imagine being a size 10 and trying to get into a leather outfit size 2. It is that difficult. My thumbs feel like they are sprained from trying to do the clips everyday.waist Cincher2

    Yes.. I got it on and it made me even more upset about my waistline! It is so tight that the extra skin gets smooshed together and pops out in the only space available until you can get every single clip. Let me tell you also that the latex is like the strongest, most durable, material I have ever experienced. It did not bust and held all of that muffin top in there. It felt like it could bust open. It was not attractive. If a man witnessed this, I would think that your sexiness would cease to exist. It definitely corrected my posture. I imagined I looked like a woman with a pole stuck up her ass but in the mirror it didn’t. It was just what I look like when standing up straight. I felt like I had to remind myself to breathe. Sitting down was not comfortable and it was like someone was slowly taking your air away. My breasts were pretty much under my chin, atleast it felt that way. You would eat less if your boobs feel like they are shoved in your throat and you can hardly breathe! I started to wonder if just getting this thing on was more of a workout than actually working out.

    So far, wearing it daily for over a week, it has not become easier to put it on. It is actually harder because of the thumbs feeling so much pain. Is my waist smaller? Nope. Not even a little bit. It’s still waist trainer hell on a daily basis. It is easy to hide with your clothes and I will say I have had minimal lower back pain. There is no way that I could work out in this thing. Perhaps the cincher made for working out is more flexible.

    Waist Cincher3Do I think it will help you lose weight at this point? No. This is what I think. I think that because of the fit you are forced to actually do movements properly. It’s like sitting on a workout ball. When you are doing sit ups, you can’t cheat on them. You are forced to do them correctly. When lifting it’s the same thing. You have to bend at your knees. It gives you the proper form which gives you a better workout that will produce results. That’s what I think. The inability to breathe could probably effect your appetite and how hard you work at breathing, feels like a workout. That could be it. I’m not giving up yet!!! The stories are all based on a month so I am going to try and stick with it. I am wearing it approximately 6 hours a day with no work out. I do know that if I have an event coming up I will definitely wear this under my clothes. Aesthetically, you can totally notice the difference and is unnoticeable even in the clingy clothes.

  • Eye Of Love.. Pheromone Parfum for Men & Women

    I have tested a lot of pheromone products out there. Some of them were horrible, some of them were okay. A couple, when it’s the only thing I can find, I have worn. Unfortunately, at no point, did I get chased down by the masses. Somewhat disappointing but I was okay with it. I live in high heels so an escape would be impossible.

    www.4morelove.com

    www.4morelove.com

    While in Vegas I was checking out new products and I walked past a man who smelled good.. Okay, better than good. I stopped and checked out his booth. I know they carry a couple different items but the parfum sucked me in. I asked him if he was wearing the scent for men. He was! It was called ‘Confidence’. I was impressed, seriously! He then introduced me to the other scents available. There is a second one for men called ‘Romantic’. I like that they kept the names simple. This way men will be able to remember. They aren’t like women and write it down so they don’t forget.
    confidencefragrance300
    romanticfragrance300
    I wondered about the womens. Some scents give me a headache so I was cautious and explained to him that I prefer musk. I tried ‘After Dark’ and that was it. Love it! It smells like it cost $200, but it doesn’t. Unfortunately, he had no samples of that one for me to snag, but he did give me ‘Morning Glow’. More fresh smelling which was wonderful. They also have ‘After Dark’ and ‘One Love’. Not one of them gave me a headache and with the pricing I would probably buy more than one. They also have a matching scented candle for each scent and spray which could make it a great gift set. I can’t say if the pheromone part works. I was surrounded by a lot of horny men but to me, if it smells nice, count me in. Anything over that is an awesome bonus.

    afterdarkcandle246 afterdarkfragrance300 afterdarkspray300

     

     

     

     

     

    I will not say I like a product if I don’t and there’s a good chance you will disagree with me on reviews. All I am saying is if you see it in a store (ConRev), stop, and smell. You could be surprised. The company is 4MoreLove.com and the line is called Eye of Love.

    morningglowparfum300 eveningdelightfragrance300 onelovefragrance300

  • Penis Pump by Hustler
    www.hustler.com

    www.hustler.com

    FIRST TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED!

    See this fun thing I got at the ANE/AVN 2014. This penis pump is the first product I am reviewing that had a unanimous thumbs up.  Every single person that tried this product said it worked.  Seriously!

    I was surprised about how open they were about even using it. I am not sure why but I thought it would be one of those toys that they would try but not tell anyone. Perhaps because it involves the size of their penis and men seem to have NO sense of humor when it comes to that. I mean zero. The fact that this wasn’t an issue intrigued me. Of course, the ego driven men had to throw in after giving me their review, that naturally they didn’t need it, but they had no problem saying they used it.

    *Warning…

    I went to get my penis pump. I had one more person to give one to. I look in my bag and it is gone! Gone! Wtf?  Where could it be??  I look all over my room, start to second guess myself and then it hits me. I have a teen boy who has hormones in overdrive. Desperate to figure out how to make it happen. What he needs to say.. to do.. to wear.. You name it.

    “Umm.. so I was wondering (I am deliberately trying not to make eye contact), umm.. I had this blue thing in my bag in my room (anticipating the uncomfortable moment approaching) and it isn’t there anymore. Did you maybe borrow it because you know those things don’t work.” (silence) “I know what it is ya know.” “You do?” “Yes. I looked it up on the internet. What do you mean it doesn’t work?” (oh no) “It just doesn’t. I get things to review and usually they don’t work.” (he looks at me like I’m lying. I need a pause) What if he already used it? I don’t want it back! I don’t want him to hand it to me. I am open with my kids about everything so that if they have questions but this is just one step over the line. I immediately text my test team and explain. “So is this thing like dangerous? Can I get away with letting him keep it or could he hurt himself? Could he decide he wants to really go big and go too far? Is that a problem? “Take it away from him.” “Do not let him keep it” “He could seriously injure himself” Shit! Damn! Gotta get it back. I decide to text him. I go outside and get in car. “I have to run to the store. Can you do me favor because I need to review it. Can you put that blue thing back in my room while I’m gone? Thanks”  ”Okay mom. I will and I didn’t use it you know.” I have no idea if he did or not but he is walking fine and it is all packed up the way it was initially so I am just gonna go with that.

    My point.. Not suitable for boys who desperately want to get laid. They could seriously hurt themselves. Please place out of reach!

  • PRIDE Lubricant
    Lubricant for the Cause by Nature Labs LLC

    Lubricant for the Cause by Nature Labs LLC

     

    When I was at the ANE/AVN Expo this year, I loved checking out all the products and wanted one of everything. One of the things in particular I wanted to explore were the products geared towards gay men. It seems like most of the websites that sell sex stuff have tons of promos for heteros but very minimal for gay men. Why? No idea. I do know this is a male dominated industry but when have a ever let that stop me. I got a penis just like they do, only mine straps on!

    I came upon this company and fell for the glow in the dark lubricant because we all know how embarassing it can be in the dark when you can’t find the hole you are looking for! LOL!

    I got to talking to everyone and saw this product. I told them about my website, what it’s about, blah..blah..blah.. focusing on the demographic that isn’t quite as big as I think it should be. They were awesome and gave me a bottle to try out. Of course, I didn’t try it out. I guess I could have but I wanted to be true to the Cause!

    Pretty Impressive Stuff!

    Nature labs lubricants are designed to not only provide the perfect intimate experience, but are ideal for your sexual well-being. All of our lubricant lines contain two key ingredients (excluding GRIZZLY Silicone). Our base is comprised of carrageenan, this substance comes from red seaweed and has been shown in studies to prevent the spread of HSV* (herpes) and HPV** (Human papillomavirus).

    Secondly, our lubricants all contain L-lysine which is an amino acid that suppresses viral replication and inhibits cytopathogenicity of herpes simplex virus.*** This means that L-lysine may help you recover faster from an infection and may help prevent the spread of the virus.

    Just had to go with this pic! www.naturelabsusa.com

    Just had to go with this pic! www.naturelabsusa.com

    Feedback: Great product and loved that it’s ingrediants are natural. Definitely! Favorite water-based lube. It lasted longer than most of the water based lubricants tried out. The downside is that oil based is preferred because they seem to last much longer than all of the water based. The only thing is that it stains clothing, bedding, etc. This part sucks. Basically, this is number one in water based lubricants but in the big picture, oil based is preferred. Perhaps, this one is best used for quickies! I wonder if there is any oil based non-staining lubes?

  • Swat Fuel
    Swat Fuel.. Everything you need to get the best workout

    Swat Fuel.. Everything you need to get the best workout

    I was at the Lauren Powers Classic at Cooks Corner and met this very informed man who was selling Swat Fuel. He gave me a bottle for free and asked me to try it out. He also gave me a tank and cute shorts (pic to come!). Unfortunately, I was injured so I haven’t been able to try it out. I gave to my cuz since he works out daily and does marathons, and asked him for feedback.

    I checked out the Web Page!

    Our Mission: Making Our Warriors – and Our Country – Stronger

    If you’re going to design supplements for warriors, it helps if you are one. And if you’re also a physician, that’s a rare – and powerful – combination. SWAT Fuel founder, Dan Olesnicky, M.D., is a S.W.A.T. team physician and police officer in Palm Springs, California, and has been training S.W.A.T. and Spec Ops  for over a decade. He is also a practicing full time internal medicine and emergency physician.

    Dan’s law enforcement experience began as a S.W.A.T. Team physician with Clifton Police Department in Clifton, NJ. He then became a Tactical Medicine instructor with the HK International Training Division, and he is still teaching today with the International School of Tactical Medicine (ISTM). He is a recognized authority and sought-after international lecturer on emergency medicine, weight loss, physiology, S.W.A.T. team nutrition and fitness. Just as importantly, he is a currently a sworn California reserve police officer on S.W.A.T. and knows what it’s like to be an operator.

    SWAT Fuel was born when, as an expert in wellness medicine for law enforcement, Dan realized there had to be a better way to fuel the body as a warrior. The result is a specially formulated line of nutraceuticals designed to meet the needs of S.W.A.T., Law Enforcement, Military, Fire, EMS, Shift Workers, and those with the Warrior spirit.

    JUST ADD ADRENALINE. Energy. Stamina. Endurance. Focus.

    JUST ADD ADRENALINE. Energy. Stamina. Endurance. Focus.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Right now, he is loving this stuff. I guess these kinds of pills usually make you feel speedy, flushed, just that rushed feeling. This pill does not. The most significant thing he has noticed is that when he has a really hard workout, he feels it the next day. Swat Fuel seems to aid in rejuvenating your muscles. He isn’t feeling the wear and tear the next day. He is able to get another work out in. It is providing something to his muscles that, you can say, increases his ability to get stronger. This is pretty impressive.

    I tend to prefer speedy pills. I associate that feeling with weight loss pills, not necessarily a good thing, but I am going to give these a go. I think since I seem to be prone to injury, maybe this will help. It can’t hurt, right? I wish I had little tiny penis pictures. I would give this product 4 out of 5 penis’.

    Make yourself a warrior

    Make yourself a warrior

    Fuel your workout!

    Fuel your workout!

  • How High Should I Jump by R. Milton Quibner
    Author of How High Should I Jump

    Author of How High Should I Jump

    Take a look at this man in the picture. Who do you think he is? Surgeon? Professor? Retired? What do you think he likes to do in his free time? Sail? Golf? Strip Clubs? One of the things in life I would love to do is eliminate judging, assuming based on appearance. At times I deliberately take stereotype to the extremes. I want to show people that they should never think they know a person until they actually know a person. Everyone has a story, just like everyone has fantasies. Everyone daydreams, some crave even more. Let me introduce you to Milton.

    Now everyone knows that I like things out of the norm. Keeps life interesting. Everyone knows at times I have a tendency to be sarcastic. This gentleman is the “messiah” of satire. His writing will not be for everyone. Newlyweds, possessive men, people who ride the political correct wave and never go out the zone.. this book is not for you. An open mind is required and a sense of humor. Women must not let their low self-esteem pop up and assume or take any of it personally. Men, especially the really weak and naive, this is a satire, not “The Rules”.

    There are a gazillion books out there but very few can take you to multiple analogies and make you question everything. This book has so many levels to it. It is up to you which one you take. He is presenting a world where things are a bit turned around. The male/female roles are switched. Real life is turned around but it is intriguing and funny.

    I was told that many men these days do not know how to deal with today’s woman. She is strong and knows she can live without them. She doesn’t need them for financial security or emotional support. Shit..she can go buy some sperm if she wants to have a baby. They don’t know what to do. Well, this is a glimpse at an approach that I have found out, is the norm in some gay relationships. I guess it could also be the norm in a S & M relationship. It could be the way a woman deep down really wants a relationship to be like, cause it isn’t too bad! It is a fun play on people and relationships. It is meant for entertainment. Milton does not hate women. His wife did not cheat on him. He just likes to play with what he sees in the world and if you are open to that, this is the book for you. No prince on a horse, no death at the end. You ever notice that is the best love stories someone has to die? I believe it’s because if they both stay alive, they will become the typical couple and be annoyed with each other, even hate each other. It’s not a love story unless one dies. Death makes love romantic? How fucked up is that? Well just think about that when you read his book, because we are the fuel that feeds his fire.

    I could go into his background but honestly you would need a dictionary for it. You can go to the website www.HowHighShouldIJump.com and see for yourself. It is available on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/R.-Milton-Quibner/e/B00AEE0U16 and not a great gift for a wedding. Trust me, I showed one couple, they were disgusted. I thought it was funny. Of course I am completely full of BS so..

    A Satirical Guide to Pleasing Today's Woman by Milton Quibner

    A Satirical Guide to Pleasing Today’s Woman by Milton Quibner

  • Hangover Cure – Party Pill

    There I was at Sprouts getting ready to check out and I see it.. A pill for $1.99 that will help prevent a hangover. I have been looking for something like this all of my life. I really could have used it in my twenties (a couple years ago). For that price, I decided to give it a shot. What could it hurt really?

    Party smart? Who wants to do that?

    Party smart? Who wants to do that?

    Blah..blah..blah

    Blah..blah..blah

    What could it hurt? Try..my head. This pill actually made me feel worse in the morning than I ever did before. I have had a lot of hangovers in my life..a lot and they sucked but usually a morning meal of a Big Mac and milkshake would help or a percocet or staying in bed…or all of the above but this felt different. It was a different kind of headache, not throbbing or stabbing, but like every time I would feel the pain, I also felt this stomach thing that wasn’t nausea but made me feel light headed, dizzy, and disoriented. It totally sucked. Took another day to completely recover. I give this not only a thumbs down but also the finger.

  • The Dildo Dr.

    There I was driving to Vegas when I see this truck.  I laugh hysterically and snap a picture.  Imagine, my car with TheAssGirl magnets driving beside a truck with The Dildo Dr. on it.  It doesn’t get much better than that!

    Talking to the Dildo Dr. was much more informative than you would think.  I wished halfway through the conversation that I was taping it.  The story of what led him to the business, the details on how to find a quality glass dildo, the dangers of latex and rubber,  he really knows his stuff.  I guess I will let him use the “Dr.”  He seems more than qualified.

    Taking a look at his variety of dildos was like seeing a gallery filled with art.  Those magic words came out of his mouth that made me jump for joy, “Which one do you want?”.  This was hard.  Do I pick one purely based on how cool it looks? Do I pick one that I will actually use? Do I pick one that I can bench press? Yes! There are a few that heavy! This was tough.  So many colors and shapes, I decided to go with the one that seemed to have the most options.  Different ends, different textures, and the USA colors! Yep! That’s the one.  It sounds silly but when he pulled out the bag to put it in, I got even more excited.  I was soft and all cushion.  There was no way this was going to break.  The even better part is it is sitting on my nightstand and it never occurs to anyone that there is a glass dildo in there.

    I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did.  I figured with no battery, no vibration, that it wouldn’t continually stimulate you.  Boy was I wrong! I love this thing.  Once wet, it stays slippery.  It can be heated or cooled. A vibrating ring on there could put another spin on it.  It can be used safely by straight, gay, lesbians or all by itself.  I would love to have a collection of them although I would want to put them on display.  I never knew why people loved them.  There seemed to be this group of people who were pro glass dildos who would look at me while I was buying a vibrating one, like I had a lot to learn.  All I saw was this pretty glass thing that cost a fortune.  Now I have to say they are worth it.  The motor doesn’t die.  I don’t have to constantly buy batteries.  Can’t overuse one of these!

    This is the perfect gift for someone who has everything.  This is the perfect gift period.  Make sure though when you visit his site and purchase something, that you tell him TheAssGirl sent you.  I feel pretty confident you will get a discount AND tell The Dildo Dr. I said hi and to send me more products to review!

  • Sensitive Coochie?

    I love discovering something that there is a genuine need for.  The sort of product that you see and think, “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?”  Well, surprise! Someone else beat you to it. The creators of Luvena did.

    I am not going to get into the medical stuff and research because it’s boring.  What I will say is this is a product that can be used by every cooch in the whole world and there will not be a concern over a bad reaction. There are no parabens, no glycerin, and no estrogen.  Even the most sensitive of coochies can use these products.  I am also thinking, since I personally have had this issue before and am damn proud of it, if you took a beating one night, meaning got nailed real hard or had an extraordinary amount of action and are feeling it, this would work great!

    No more itchy coochie!

    No more itchy coochie!

     

     

     

     

    They have a daily wash, a vagina moisturizer & lubricant, an enhanced personal lubricant and feminine wipes, good to have I guess if you have a really busy weekend?  Luvena.

  • Semen taste yucky?

    One of my favorite things about the ANE/AVN is always the samples.  I found this product pretty intriguing.  The concept is good, bad tasting semen.  This could be a problem for someone. They work like those breath strips. You peel the thin piece, place it on your tongue and it melts. Upon semen release it is supposed to give it the flavor that you chose. There is strawberry, chocolate, highly recommended mango and watermelon. I got chocolate and mango.


    I am not quite sure how you could be subtle and unwrap this item, place it on your tongue when you know Romeo is about to blow.  It could certainly cause a delay.  I couldn’t try the chocolate.  It gives me a headache but I did have a willing friend.  As soon as she put it on the tongue she tried to spit it out.  She said it was terrible.  She compared it to finding an old cheap chocolate bunny after many years and then taking a bite.  Not good.  I gave the mango a try.  They were pushing this one as the favorite.  I don’t really eat mango straight as a fruit, more in a smoothie.  This did not taste good to me.  It was pretty bad.  Perhaps because I have never really had a complaint about the taste of semen this wasn’t anything I wanted to try again.  I will say that after placing it on my tongue, the last thing I wanted to do was give a blowjob.  I wanted to find something to eat to get the taste out of my mouth.

    This is the thing.. Maybe people who do not like the taste of semen will prefer to use this so I don’t feel like I can give it a thumbs down. I guess, if you hate semen, give it a try.  I will say the mango did smell a lot better than the chocolate.  The other flavors may be tastier.  It is up to you.  If curious visit the Masque website and give it a try.  What have you got to lose??

  • Peppermint Peckers

    Purchased at Touch of Romance/Con Rev

    Peppermint Peckers

    Peppermint Peckers

    Okay..if you know me at all you know I always have a container of these in my purse. I just LOVE them! From a practical standpoint, I have this chronic dry mouth problem so for me THEY ARE MEDICALLY NECESSARY! From a fun standpoint, I love the expression that people get when I casually offer them a breath mint. As soon as they take a good look at it they realize…of course, I point out that they are sugarfree, long lasting and a lot less messy than having any other kind of pecker in your mouth. There is no pressure to take the whole thing. You could just have the tip or the nuggets. I don’t know why but a few days ago I blurted that word out and it stuck. These peckers are always refreshing. They also last along time! HeHe! (No comment). Lastly I have never experienced lock jaw while consuming one of these. My ultimate joy is when a male realizes what it is. The fact that most of them won’t even put them in their mouth, like it’s a real penis. Cracks me up.

    One asked me if it was laced with something. Like I was sitting in my house, creating these candies, throwing a date rape drug in them. Perfect way to score! NOT! Then there are the ones who put it in their mouth all determined and saying “look at me! I’m not afraid!”. Some even bite it. Such rebels! Ahhh…you complex men. You do make things at times quite entertaining! I would like to point out also, that I believe I have, all on my own, make these peckers totally popular, because everytime I go to buy them they are always sold out now and it’s frustrating! Thankfully, www.Atouchofromance.com has my number so they gave me a heads up when new stock arrived. Thank you T of R! For recognizing the loyal consumers. I LOVE PEPPERMINT PECKERS!

     

  • Shaving With Coochy Before A Shag

    Clean Your Coochy

    Coochy – Body Boudoir Rash Free Shave Creme

    There is nothing worse than shaving and ending up with an unattractive rash. Whether you go with a shag, bathmat or linoleum look. Especially on date night because every woman out there is going to shave before they go out. I have tried shave creams for sensitive skin and every razor out there. Even worse! If you end up having an incredible date and end up getting some extremely hot and sweaty sex. The kind you want to do a few times..then in the morning waking up to an extremely painful and unattractive rash. All that rubbing on newly shaved skin and action. Ouch! Oochy coochy!

    I decided to give this stuff a try. It had pretty shiny bottles and I love the word coochy. How can you not! Well I am so glad I did. Seriously, this shit works! The creme and protection mist left mine smooth as silk. No bumps, no rash, so soft. I couldn’t imagine how the protection mist could work. How can it provide a barrier? But it did! I even tried a few things to see. Instead of cotton, I tried lace panties, satin, worked out… Not a problem. Then I did jeans which is a battle to get on and off. Wore them out. I did a lot of rubbing and that stuff kicks ass! They are not outrageous in price either, $14.95 and $9.95. For me..I am hooked. My search is over. I love Coochy! I got mine at Condom Revolution. Woot! Woot!

  • Adult Novelty Expo

    While at the Adult Novelty Expo in Vegas I received alot of requests to review products. Samples were being offered to me left and right. We all know I will try anything once and the idea of a breath spray to get your libido in overdrive? Well how could I not?? The only catch..I agreed to write a review on my site! LOVE IT!

    Miyagi Bakes “Me Wet”

    This is a gourmet sugar cookie. The taste was actually okay. I didn’t know what to expect, I thought it might taste stale or bland, but it wasn’t. Of course, as always, beer was the chaser. Gobbled it up and waited for the explosion! And waited..and waited..and waited… Nothing :( I am not giving up on this cookie yet though..Still have one that is supposed to mellow me out..so let’s see!

    GlassDildoMe.com

    While networling in Las Vegas I met this amazing group of people..one in particular. She was very welcoming and very open with advice. This is her website and let me tell you..not only are the glass dildos AMAZINGLY HOT! but the fetish goods, tasty treats and jewelry..my happy place! She even will make custom dildos, you give measurements, design ideas and they will work with you to come up with exactly what you want. Plus! glass lasts a lifetime and hypo-allergenic! Lord knows none of us wants to have an allergic reaction to that. Can you imagine?!! Take a peak. I likey!

    Anti-Biker Butt-For A Comfortable Ride

    This was a little more tuff for me. Why? I had no idea what biker butt was. Thru research (which was hell..hours of beer and shots) I discovered that there is such a thing but it is called monkey butt. It’s saddle sores, rash’, caused by long rides. Ouch! This stuff is made of soy and the one I have smells like leather. Unfortunately, having an ass smell like leather really doesn’t make it more appealing to me. Kind of does the opposite. My opinion, unless I offer to rub this on the man’s ass myself, no one is going to buy this. Men would be too paranoid and women, I found out (being the brilliant shoppers they are) know that this is the same as Bag Balm you can get at Feed stores for alot less. Sorry but that’s what it boils down to. What am I going to do with this? The texture, the feel, I am using it as a leg cream. It is extremely moisturizing and the smell of leather on a woman, hello! Men will eat that shit up. If you can’t ride your Harley then close your eyes and come on over here! Oh geesh! I can’t believe I wrote something that lame. I SUCK when I’m sober!

    ZLOA Honey-Liquid Drink

    Okay so we were sitting around and decided to down this. It looked like there was some sprinkles of something in the honey but not quite sure if that can happen since I don’t like honey. SHOCKING I KNOW! We licked the shot clean and waited. I casually would glance over at her to see if she was looking at me longingly..Then her ears got red and I guess mine too. There was a feeling of flushness and felt a little cloudy. That lasted about 2 minutes. We waited. I watched and unfortunately nada :( Sorry ZLOA. I was hornier at breakfast and all I had was Chex cereal.

    Swing Her-Breath Spray

    This one I was pretty optimistic about (NOT!). A breath spray? Anyways, did a squirt and it was the most disgusting taste I have ever put in my mouth EVER! (I know..I know..That’s just begging for a dirty tidbit). It really was nasty. The tongue felt a little tingle but the taste was so horrible, all we wanted to do was get the taste gone. I went with old reliable..my dream man..The Big Kahuna. Now he tastes good! I gulped him down and lingered..Did I feel better from the spray or the wine? I checked out me amiga and she was yawning. Yep..this shit blows. I then went to the website listed and guess what? Domain for sale. Guess I should have checked that first. I’m sending the male bottle to whoever places the next order. A Bon Voyage from Swing Her!

    Lubravibe.com

    Ok, first I just love the packaging on this. Why? No idea. Maybe it’s because it can pass for so many things. You look and it just doesn’t look like lube. They were handing out this stuff EVERYWHERE at the AVN Expo. Crazy promos! No lube hand! This is correct. It doesn’t leave any slippery stuff on your hands. The problem with that is if you are using lube, you NEED the slippery stuff. It tells you that you may need to do numerous applications. Yes, while the man is sitting there trying to ram something somewhere that doesn’t want to be rammed or vice versa, I want to sit in that uncomfortable position while he applies coats of lube. Alot of times also it is used in a very strategic, sneaky, blink and you’ll miss it way. There some moving around, a little poke, Oh no! Not going in there, so they grab that little bottle they have hidden and claim that you need to just give it a minute and then BOOM! It slides a bit easier. Ya, you can’t do that with this. What it does state, which is correct, is that it has “360 Accushot Technology”. This shit shoots atleast 4 feet from the bottle. You can flip it upside down, turn it, it works. Although, why anyone would need that beats me. Maybe if you’re filming a couple and things look tight, you could just shoot some at them? I don’t know. What I do know is that it doesn’t work unfortunately. Water-based defeats the purpose of lube. Sorry but thumbs down.

    Jelique.com-Tasty Twist

    I absolutely LOVED LOVED this companies products! All the ones I tried were amazing! I even convinced my mother to give one a try and she was loving the taste. They have a few products, but I can only speak for what I tried. I LOVE Tasty Twist-a cream in different flavors that you can use pretty much anywhere that increases sensitivity and tastes yummy! Nipple Nibblers-Yummy and really does tingle. All are gluten free and Lactose free for those allergy sensitive people out there. They have a few other products out there but I haven’t tried them. If somebody can get hold of some..I am all over it! The best part for me though..they are just starting to carry this product at ConRev! Happy Day for me!

     

Chef V

CHEF V

Desperation…
It can make us do crazy things. We can convince ourselves that this is exactly what you need. Well, that’s what happened and there was a Groupon. I figured even if I didn’t lose weight, it would be a cleanse. Even with the Groupon it was still pricey and I got a free bag and mixing cup. It arrived at like 4 in the morning.
Following the instructions I am drinking the green juice which wasn’t so bad. It was pretty much water with a splash of flavor. Not the greatest flavor but tolerable. I continued to follow and came to the one item I was looking forward to. the soup. The ingredients were all things I liked. It has sweet potatoes and smelt pretty good. I took a taste and AHHH!!! Disgustinng! I can force myself to swallow a few not so appealing things ;) but this was impossible. I tried over and over but couldn’t. There was no way.
Later on at a friend’s house I was talking about the cleanse. I brought over the green juice. My friend read it amused. She is like “You could make this yourself for a lot less money. It’s just kale and celery, etc. She is an amazing cook so I brought over the soup to see if she could do something to make it more appetizing. She was stoked.
After thinking about it I realized she was right. I paid money to do something I could do easily do myself. I didn’t need to spend the money or give credit to a big company. I just needed a little will power. Later that day my friend offered to bring the soup back once she made it more tasty. “Nahh.. Just keep it. I don’t need it”.
chefv_cleanse-600x328
If you do better with the pressure of a product then go for it. If you can’t swallow anything disgusting, don’t. If you don’t want to throw your money away (which I feel as if I did) keep it.
I would not recommend it.

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