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50 Shades Of S&M | Getting Busted By Landlord

Big Ass Big BikeI decided to try something different this month. I am going to be posting my review of Fifty Shades of Grey so I figured lets stick with that S&M theme. I hope that isn’t a problem for anybody…

Now I know I seem like a woman of “experience” mostly due to the fact that I intentionally come across that way. This S&M thing though I learned is a whole different subject all together. I have always said that I will try anything once and I mean that. The problem was I had no idea what was involved in this. This is something ideally you could try with your fantasy fuck (see Nov.’11) This way you have no embarrassment and its easier to get out of doing it again if you don’t want to. I am going to tell this from a perspective of someone not having a clue. I am not saying it was me but I’m also not saying it was anyone else. Got it? Also, always key when you are reading my blogs is to remember I am full of shit.

Ok..It’s gametime. Fantasy Fuck has called and is up for an afternoon rendezvous. Very excited. Of course all the prep work involved does seem to require a lot more time and effort than sometimes he does. I work on preparing my “sex” cd. Why? Because everything is better with music in the background I think. Easier to catch a beat and not lose your rhythm. As I am doing this the sexting is going back in forth. It’s fun, playful, but at a certain point you run out of lines. This is concerning. WTF! What do I say next? Especially when they come back with, “And Then?” “And Then” I DON’T KNOW! I’m running out of shit to say! I place a call to my guru who saves my ass and sends me an email full of tons of lines. Perfect! I start throwing those out there. Then it happens..

Be Ready to be Degraded

“Umm. Hey so he just said Be ready to be degraded. What does that mean” (This is all my side of the conversation. Must protect her identity ;) ” No..can’t be that, we have done that. Nope. He has done that. No Way! I am so not doing that! You don’t know?! FUK! Ok what? So you think he wants me to dominate him? No, I haven’t. Always been afraid I would start to enjoy the beating the man part a little to much. I Know. I was joking. Ok..place toys in hidden spots around bed? Got it. Restraints? Yep, got those. Blindfold? Of course! But what do I do when he gets here because let me tell you if I stay in this outfit much longer, it will melt on to me. I grab him? Ok. Throw him against the wall and blindfold him. Really? Ok. Got it. Yes, the whips are on the bed and stuff. Lay him down? Ok. Then what? Tickle, tickle, hit? Shut up! Is that really how it goes?! Ok..tickle..tickle, hit.. Got it. Wait..let me write some of this down on my hand. I need to change my music too. Put him in the restraints? Got it. Ok. I dominate? Ok..Lets give it a shot. Of course! I will call you afterwards!”

Landlord Drops By During Daytime S&M Play

What can I say? Daytime S&M play not always the best idea when you are in costume and your landlord decides to stop by. A housecoat will help but those boots are poking out and he isn’t stupid. Finally the arrival. Now I am not going to give a play by play but I will say this. THANK GOD he was blindfolded because if he could see my face when I was on top (still dressed) I looked ridiculous! I was sitting looking at the toys trying to figure out what to do. Do I pick up this one? Or this one? She never told me where I could hit him. Shit. Was it tickle, hit, slap? What do I tickle with? The crop? Well that doesn’t seem like it would tickle. I looked like an anxiety ridden, hyped on ritalin, confused looking woman. I was not on ritalin, I just mean shaky and wound up. Thank God! Stranglehold came on so I can put myself in a rock video and run with it. HEY! You play your way, I’ll play mine! A second thanks to the fact that on that occasion he was so riled up before the event that afterwards I was like,”Are you kidding me?! I spent how much time getting ready and he lasted thru 1 1/2 songs!” Do I regret it? NO! Life is to be lived. Now do you see why I refer to Fifty Shades of Grey a fairy tale? It’s that whole Fantasy versus Reality. I really wasn’t even that annoyed with how long he lasted. That was due to my “hotness” or that’s what I tell myself. I still made fun of him all the time..of course! Because psychologically from then on, he would be trying to last long and I would be able to see the frustration in his face and the tension and I would enjoy it.Maybe I am a dominant and just don’t know.

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