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Morality And Sleeping With Your Cousin

Tits On Bike

Morality? Gets in the way of fun? Nahh ! LOL. May cause a pause at times? Yea..probably. I scratch my brain and have more wine. I think morality is different for everyone. All I know is that the only person who can make you happy is yourself, so do whatever it is you want to . . . → Read More: Morality And Sleeping With Your Cousin

Two For One Blue Plate Special | What Do Guys Really Want?

Kermit Flashing

One night (drinking) I was hanging with a gf..drinking some tequila(Jose’ I’m broke so the shitty stuff but tolerable in a one up kind of situation) we decided to go on Plenty of Fish and make a post. Not a usual post but a “Two For One Blue Plate Special”. IT WAS AWESOME! We . . . → Read More: Two For One Blue Plate Special | What Do Guys Really Want?

Men Who Cry & Flirting Way To Front Row Of Def Leppard

Men Who Cry

My heat press is warming up. I still have a bunch of shirts I need to make for Sunday. I’ve been so busy trying to do everything and cover all of my bases that I haven’t even had a chance to go and buy myself more wine..in like a WEEK! I had a booth for . . . → Read More: Men Who Cry & Flirting Way To Front Row Of Def Leppard

How Do You Know If You are any Good at Oral?

Loverboy Concert

Absentmindedness? Not because I am late with my blog. That is too easy and we are talking about me! As you can see I have been on a couple excursions. All very fun ones. I will not allow anything else. Unfortunately, every time I began to write my blog…something kept knocking at my brains door.

. . . → Read More: How Do You Know If You are any Good at Oral?

Scaring The Staff At The Viper Room | Jesus Loved Hookers

Viper Room

Sorry for the delay but I got wrapped up with watching this tv series about hookers and Jesus. Totally the truth! Only three episodes which was unfortunate but hey.. it was better than Gigilos. That show was horrible! Of course I already pretty much figured Jesus loved hookers. I mean, he loves everybody. I thought . . . → Read More: Scaring The Staff At The Viper Room | Jesus Loved Hookers

Soliciting You All | Booth for Next ANE/AVN Expo

It's Official

SELL!! SELL!!

I’M TRYING!!

Here I go.. It’s a another month and I’m still climbing that mountain. Mountain? Yes..that mountain to get to the top so I can get the pot of gold! Okay! Okay! I know that is supposed to be a rainbow but I live in California and it hardly ever rains. Could . . . → Read More: Soliciting You All | Booth for Next ANE/AVN Expo

Myth #6: Machismo is Sexy-Hot

Shut Up Small Dick

Machismo.. Doesn’t that word just scream gold chain, hairy chest, the scent of Old Spice, white socks worn with sandals, speeding by you in an Iroc? Pretty hot huh?

NOT! It also screams arrogance to me and I hate arrogance. It also screams bushy hair to me and I’m not sure why but that leaves . . . → Read More: Myth #6: Machismo is Sexy-Hot

Shipping Men With Small Penises To China | Improves Self Esteem

Stocking Stuffers

I have been sitting here trying to figure out a ‘J’ word to go with January. It’s really pissing me off. I have already used jack offs (although I do have a neverending list of stories under that catagory). I thought about “Juggs” or “Jauggernaughts” then I realized I’m not so sure how to spell . . . → Read More: Shipping Men With Small Penises To China | Improves Self Esteem

Myth #1: Women Want Men to Go All Night

Highly Medicated Panties

Truth? No we don’t. We want men to be able to go multiple times in one night, hence the little boy phenomenon. In actuality, about 40 minutes into it, you have lost us. We are going over our grocery list, coming up with our things to do list, etc. It’s best to let it go, . . . → Read More: Myth #1: Women Want Men to Go All Night

February Fellatio | A Great Month For Oral Sex?

Getting Off In Public

I was pretty much 100% in favor of Fellatio this month! Although I think if you took a poll of the men out there they would definitely disagree. I pondered over how and what to say. I felt like if it was what everyone wanted to hear about, I had to give it a shot. . . . → Read More: February Fellatio | A Great Month For Oral Sex?

Myth #2: Penis Size Doesn’t Matter | The Truth

The Truth is it does!

As you know, I was not able to make Daytona so now I am aiming for Laughlin. Anybody have any extra room out there? Had a little car accident with an “asshole” that messed everything up! I have, however, been making my rounds and flashing my ass everywhere.

I LOVE . . . → Read More: Myth #2: Penis Size Doesn’t Matter | The Truth

Myth #3: Sex Number. No one is ever honest on this one

Big Ass Hug

Cut men’s number in half and triple the women’s.

Favorite Line:

The only time I believe in the power of attraction is when I buy XL condoms!

Re-gifting a Broken Vibrator

Okay…so I KNOW! I KNOW! “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date!”. No, I’m not a rabbit but I did own one! . . . → Read More: Myth #3: Sex Number. No one is ever honest on this one

Anal Anxieties | Strap It On

Butt Cheeks And Leather

Now WHERE is the anal-anxieties from? Certainly not what you think immediately (that’s a whole other monthly blog!) more about me being PISSED with the judicial system. Not the petty crap like my ex owing me $320,000 in child support, not parking tickets, but the fact that because I have such incredibly bizarre situations always . . . → Read More: Anal Anxieties | Strap It On

Myth #4: Nailing a girl hard and fast is great sex! Don’t Be A Jack Rabbit

Sucking titties

Truth: NO! I mean hard is great but that whole fast thing..we have a word for you. You are the jackrabbit.

We don’t like the jackrabbit and our neck is sore for the next three days afterwards. How would you like it if I start slapping your dick around. Is that going to feel good? . . . → Read More: Myth #4: Nailing a girl hard and fast is great sex! Don’t Be A Jack Rabbit

From Barbie Houses to Stripper Poles

Hot Stripper Play

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS!!

It’s Friday night and I am sitting here daydreaming about living in my Barbie House. My kids, pets and my days of the week. Why am I calling it the Barbie House? Probably because when I was young I desperately wanted one. We couldn’t afford it so I would pack all of my . . . → Read More: From Barbie Houses to Stripper Poles

Turn Me 50 Shades of Grey | An S&M Perpective

Young Man And Cougar

This is my review of this book. Now please understand you do not have to agree with me, it is only my opinion. I am glad I waited a few days. My “hotter than hell” cousin came over to visit (before he goes back to NY BOOO!) and asked me about the book. I gave . . . → Read More: Turn Me 50 Shades of Grey | An S&M Perpective

Sensitive Coochie?

I love discovering something that there is a genuine need for. The sort of product that you see and think, “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?” Well, surprise! Someone else beat you to it. The creators of Luvena did.

I am not going to get into the medical stuff and research because it’s . . . → Read More: Sensitive Coochie?

Semen taste yucky?

One of my favorite things about the ANE/AVN is always the samples. I found this product pretty intriguing. The concept is good, bad tasting semen. This could be a problem for someone. They work like those breath strips. You peel the thin piece, place it on your tongue and it melts. Upon semen release it . . . → Read More: Semen taste yucky?

The Dildo Dr.

There I was driving to Vegas when I see this truck. I laugh hysterically and snap a picture. Imagine, my car with TheAssGirl magnets driving beside a truck with The Dildo Dr. on it. It doesn’t get much better than that!

Talking to the Dildo Dr. was much more informative than you would think. I . . . → Read More: The Dildo Dr.

How Do I Know When A Girl Wants To Bump Uglies?

Hello Ass Girl,

I seem to have problems detecting when a girl wants to bump uglies with me. I am really shy, and can’t seem to pull the trigger. How do I know – what should I look for? or maybe I shouldn’t care?

Thanks, Michael from Denver

#RatedRaunchy

Dearest Michael,

First of all, . . . → Read More: How Do I Know When A Girl Wants To Bump Uglies?

Looking for a mutually beneficial relationship? Beard Available!

Some of us go through our whole lives not sure what we want to be when we grow up. It can change and life’s realities can evaporate your hope. You grow and the people around you change. I want to be a supermodel.. actress..singer..a hairdresser.. Time really does fly by and before you know it, . . . → Read More: Looking for a mutually beneficial relationship? Beard Available!

PRIDE Lubricant

Lubricant for the Cause by Nature Labs LLC

 

When I was at the ANE/AVN Expo this year, I loved checking out all the products and wanted one of everything. One of the things in particular I wanted to explore were the products geared towards gay men. It seems like most of the websites . . . → Read More: PRIDE Lubricant

If You’re Happy And You Know It Go Fuck yourself Tank Top

If You're Happy And You Know It Go Fuck yourself tank-top

White tank top with the words “If You’re Happy And You Know It Go Fuck yourself” printed on the front. $19.95 . . . → Read More: If You’re Happy And You Know It Go Fuck yourself Tank Top

Sometimes In Life Forget About The Bad Stuff And Fuck For Awhile Tank Top

Sometimes In Life Forget About The Bad Stuff And Fuck For Awhile tank-top

White tank top with the words “Sometimes In Life Forget About The Bad Stuff And Fuck For Awhile” written on the front. $19.95 . . . → Read More: Sometimes In Life Forget About The Bad Stuff And Fuck For Awhile Tank Top

Your First Phone Call With A Girl | No Opinions Please!

Love Naked Men Who Dont Talk Panties

I’m hoping everyone had a wonderful holiday and didn’t empty their xanax bottle (those babies can be hard to get). I’m still preparing for the AVN/ANE Expo in Vegas.

During my holiday I contemplated my goals for the New Year. I thought about making some changes..maybe it was time to try dating again. HUGE mistake! . . . → Read More: Your First Phone Call With A Girl | No Opinions Please!

Why I’m Ideal For Trailer Park Reality Show

TheAssGirl Smoking Cigar

Me? My Own Television Show? Can someone please tell me where everyone disappeared to?? I had all of these new hits last month and then.. POOF! Wtf? Did I offend someone? Do I have to start going door to door offering sexual favors? I’m at a loss. When I am at a loss, I decide . . . → Read More: Why I’m Ideal For Trailer Park Reality Show

Valentine’s Date 4 Hire

Your Valentines Date

Valentine’s Day got you worried? Not sure how you are going to pull it off with all those couples invites? I have the perfect solution! It’s a new service I started called “Dream Date For Hire”.

Our Current Dates Available For Hire:

Your Valentines Date

As you can see..we only hire professionals. We want . . . → Read More: Valentine’s Date 4 Hire

Faster Than A Horny Man? | How About My Car!

Hot Wings Panties

I know! There is nothing faster but you are wrong! Can I just say this is going to sound crazy at first but it really isn’t.

So this is the deal… My car has been driving by itself. I swear! It sounds impossible and at first I couldn’t believe it, nor could anyone I . . . → Read More: Faster Than A Horny Man? | How About My Car!

Fuck Like A Man Make Love Like A Woman Tank Top

Fuck Like A Man Make Love Like A Woman Tank Top

White tank top with Fuck Like A Man Make Love Like A Woman on front. $19.95 . . . → Read More: Fuck Like A Man Make Love Like A Woman Tank Top

It’s Just A Dick.. You Can Go & Buy One Down The Street! F^ck!

Yep! Not big enough? Got it covered!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU?

I know.. I know.. All you want to know is about the Sex Awards. I will be tackling that soon. What I can say is that I did learn a lot about fisting.. but today… today has thrown me . . . → Read More: It’s Just A Dick.. You Can Go & Buy One Down The Street! F^ck!